As I am writing this, I am trying to hold onto a delicate balance of my clinical psychology practice and a special birthday party/fundraising event. The expression “it is better to give than to receive” means much more to me, and when I see a window of opportunity, I go for it.
Normally, I skip having an actual birthday party, opting instead for a small group of close family and maybe a few friends, a casual evening, and cake. This year was different.
Initially I considered a nice vacation for my husband and me because this birthday was a bit of a landmark for me, and I did want to do something special. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I really wanted to celebrate the fact that I was still alive. This reason was more evident as I recalled the past 12 years and my diagnosis with two very rare autoimmune diseases, amidst the losses of my parents and some family and friends. The question was: How could I celebrate my special birthday and life, AND use this as an opportunity?
A seed was planted.
When we think of planting seeds, many people immediately think about the Spring. Here I am in early mid-Fall having my “a-ha” moment. Interestingly enough, my favorite flowers have been tulips since my first visit to The Netherlands more than 40 years ago. Unlike most flowers, tulip bulbs are planted in the Fall and then come up beautifully in the Spring. I love how these flowers normally bloom earlier than most, and at night or in darkness, they close to protect themselves, reopening when it is once again safe.
A seed was beginning to metaphorically grow in my mind. Why not use my birthday to have a special party/fundraiser/event where guests would be asked to not bring me a personal gift, but rather contribute to a charity of my choice?
Great! Now I was going to have a big party and not just a small, intimate gathering. What would be my first step?
I began to assemble a list of family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and the physicians who have been helpful during my journey. The list was a lot longer than I expected.
I kept going through the list. I couldn’t find anyone I didn’t want to include in my celebration. And to compound the issue, I found myself adding more and more names. I even added some out-of-town people, including my life-saving physician, Dr. Razzaque Ahmed from Boston. My original dermatologist in Pittsburgh, Dr. Judy Small, had worked closely with Dr. Ahmed over the phone during the first six years of my treatment (until I had to change doctors because of insurance and facility/provider changes). How could I have a celebration of LIFE and not invite the doctor whose ‘alternative’ treatment of IVIg was the reason I was alive? Remember, IVIg was very controversial back in 2001.
Since it was for charity, I was willing to go that extra mile. I am not sure I was using my old and trusty cognitive model — without emotional interference — but I was determined to stay on track. Finally, I decided on a private club where a dear friend (and a Vice President at PNC Financial Services, a 2012 Annual Meeting sponsor), had generously offered to sponsor my birthday event.
I enjoyed creating the menus, invitations, and RSVPs. Thanks to some technical help from my husband, everything got printed and mailed. Will Zrnchik, our CEO, set up a special Web page for the party so people could donate online.
The RSVPs started coming in and more people than I expected were planning on attending! This was getting big. What about entertainment? I realized I know a lovely and accomplished young woman who is the founder and creative director of a local ballet company whose studio was originally leased to Gene Kelly before he went to Hollywood! She had choreographed a perfect piece just for my celebration that could be performed by two ballerinas.
This effort took a lot of time and effort, but it was a night to remember. The party brought together people who did not know each other, and might not see each other again, but who kept telling me they had been at the “fun” table. The funny part is they were all at different tables!
I was blown away by Dr. Ahmed’s attendance and the speech he gave to educate the important people in my life about the seriousness of my particular diagnoses (many were not aware of my conditions). Even my normally quiet, engineer-minded husband gave a very beautiful and emotional toast in my honor. I swear that if I didn’t also have Sjogren’s Syndrome I would have cried my eyes out!
Many of my guests asked me to make it a yearly event! While flattered, it probably won’t happen at the level of this one, but I will definitely have smaller cocktail-like parties at home and continue to request donations in lieu of gifts.
It feels so wonderful to have both a landmark birthday and a memorable evening and celebration with friends and family who donated to IPPF. The reality is anyone can do this on their own comfort level.
The bottom line here is from that original “seed” came an evening I will never forget and will help others because of generous donations. The icing on the cake is most of my doctors got to meet each other face-to-face for the first time. And, it looks like Dr. Ahmed will be invited to talk to Pittsburgh doctors, residents, and others in the near future with a hope that it could drive some to study and research pemphigus and pemphigoid.
I am thankful to the generous local merchants who provided many items, services and gift certificates for the Silent Auction.
Knowing that this fundraiser can be repeated in small ways over the coming years gives me far more happiness than any one-week vacation could possibly have given me. I am not special for having planned this event, but I get a warm and wonderful feeling just knowing that I was able to embrace a new way of giving. I can absolutely validate that it is far better to give than to receive.
If you have an idea, let that seed evolve. See where it takes you. We can find new ways of giving — whether with special skills, money, frequent flyer miles, volunteering time and services for one of the Foundations’ many committees, educating people, or supporting others emotionally. The list is endless, and you will feel better knowing you are making a contribution that makes a difference.
I am writing this shortly before Thanksgiving, and I will appreciate it more than usual. In recent years I, like many of you, have experienced many losses (people, pets, previously taken for granted good health).
But in many ways my life is now fuller. I have met amazing people and physicians whom I never would have met. As 2012 comes to an end, and the new year starts, move forward in your own way and make a difference. Your life will be fuller for it. That is a promise.
Just plant a seed.